Owning my this or that / by Lisa Guillot

One month into my life coaching program and “life," or at least how I am use living life, is so new! I am aware of my thoughts, judgements, actions and reactions, and taking inventory of my emotions. Turns out I have lots of them.

This month I am taking inventory on what I have the power to impact in my life, versus what my circumstances are. To date, I am a victim of my circumstances. And to prove it, the universe has kicked my ass in the last 30 days: 

  • I was sued for copyright infringement
  • My website was hacked 
  • I didn’t win the HGTV dream home 
  • Two of my four kids were sick 
  • One of my kids busted his lip playing hockey 
  • The car battery light came on 
  • I had to do my taxes, twice 
  • I got three parking tickets in an hour

It is super easy to place myself into the “Can you believe this happened to me? Why does this always happen to me? These type of things always happen in 3’s don’t they?” That’s the easy thing to do, be a victim. As Huey Lewis and the News expertly said, "If this is, please let me know, if this ain't love, just say so."

Another way of being I noticed is that I am a control enthusiast (what a lovely way to say control freak, right?). I see things as black or white:

  • I am responsible or I am irresponsible
  • I am a good mom or I am a bad mom
  • I have financial freedom or I’m at war with my taxes 
  • I am creative or I have no new ideas
  • It’s this or that

As a creative person I often relate my feelings to colors, designs, brush strokes. I was so moved by Chicago artist Natasha Kohli's description of how her black and white artwork came into being in this recent painting she shared on Instagram.

"I saw a single drop fall out of place. That hollow thump of the paint hitting the stretched canvas devastated my ears and insulting my eyes. My perfect grid, ruined by this black uninvited mark." 

I totally relate to the struggle she eloquently writes on her blog about what that black dot became for her, just like how my black and white thinking is slowly morphing into color. 

In my coach training we are asked to look outside of our comfort zone (black and white) and instead look at what’s possible, like a possible gray area, or an area that is full of beautiful rainbows. With a business named Step Brightly, you would think I live in a land full of beautiful rainbows, but that black and white strategic mind easily takes over. Here's a peek into what my black and white mind looks like now from the ever talented La Roux. 

I challenged myself this month to think: what if I turned this victim type of thinking on its head, or rather on my head, and took a positive attitude towards everything good, bad, shitty, out of my control, that happens during my day?

How would I approach my day?

I try to take a stand or mantra for each day which has been hard. How the F do I come from vitality when I just got $300 worth of parking tickets? But, it’s a journey, without a defined path, so here I go. Here’s a few of the mantras that I am attempting. 

  • I am creative
  • I am a creator
  • I am in the flow of life
  • I am open
  • I am bright
  • I am sunshine
  • I am vitality
  • I am peace

The rainbow land is beyond my reach, currently, I can’t even fathom it. Thinking of something that’s not real, that’s not possible, it's impossible, right? I can’t quite comprehend it yet, and that’s OK because that’s why I am learning, stretching, questioning and exploring, however gray that is. 

I feel like my rainbow land is a bunch of colorful bubbling atoms bursting with energy around my aura just waiting for me to open up.  I love how author Tara Mohr says  

"...energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.

I am reading her book, Playing Big, check it out

I mean, isn’t it exciting to think there’s a whole world of possibility that we just need to access to be able to experience our lives in a totally different way? I want to scream this from the mountaintops!

Margot Harrington shared this image of energy, chalk and color on her Instagram this week. To me it looks like the start of that rainbow land I am exploring, I love her freedom of expression, right?

And here is how I am metaphorically starting my exploration, with a thick pair of indigo dyed gloves from Lydia Crespo's Instagram. Lydia is the fashion designer and founder of Argaman & Defiance. These gloves represent the trek to me, getting dirty, digging in.

I would love to know if you have a mantra or something you say to yourself to help keep you present during the day. The more we share the more we can support each other. 

Find me on Instagram and Twitter, and till next month, be bright!


PS. Thank you Huey Lewis, La Roux, Tara Mohr, Natasha Kohli, Margot Harrington and Lydia Crespo!