You guys. I figured out why relationships are so hard: there's two people involved. It is me and someone else. It's like work / life balance. The reason it doesn't balance is because we have to work.
Over the course of the year I have been sharing insights from my life and leadership training program and last month we explored relationships. Not just romantic relationships but relationships that we have in business, family, society and the relationship that we have with time, money and exercise.
How many have you how many of you have joined a gym at the beginning of the year and have never gone? Silently raises her hand. It's because we have a relationship to what the gym is going to provide us: the idea of the gym is that it will make a sweat, feel good about our bodies, lose weight and we will look and feel awesome. The real hard work comes when you actually have to wake up at 5 AM to get to the spin class then spin for an hour with your ass hurting the entire time, then drag yourself to work and do it all again the next morning. 'Cause weight loss doesn't happen overnight.
Just like a great relationship doesn't happen overnight. Sure we could get into why women are from Venus and men are from Mars. And I think this is expertly laid out by Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown in these two 1980ish mega hits.
I love them both, and know all the words of both, but can you see what I'm pointing to?
Whitney is so emotional and Bobby is like" Girl, it's my prerogative. I can do what I want to do."
How many of you have thrown up your hand in a relationship and said "It's my prerogative, I can do what I want to do?" Take a look at your last job. She silently raises her hand.
So this brings me back to the original issue in a relationship between you and something you want like more time, money, sex, love.
Let's take a look at our side of the fence which the only thing that we can really control (and I use that term loosely) is ourselves. There is a small moment between stimulus (his preogrative) and reaction (so emotional) and in between those two is CHOICE, we get to choose every single day whether we want to get up and go to the gym, or if we want to stay in this relationship, or this business partnership.
It's who you are being and the choices you make that is going to make or break your relationship to anything. Imagine Whitney and Bobby having a conversation when she is coming from her emotions (which, by the way, are very difficult to argue with, you can't tell someone else how to feel). And he's put up that big wall of his prerogative. You can't break through a stubborn cold hard wall.
What am I trying to say? The main person in any relationship is your self, consider the baggage you bring in into a relationship, because yes, everybody has baggage. Notice when you bail out of a relationship, when it gets hard? When you don't lose the weight in the first month? When your business partner starts to move in another direction?
When do you stop in creating what you want?
Do you know what you want in a relationship?
If this resonates with you, I'd be more than happy to chat! I love this type of deep dive conversation because it digs up dirt, and recreates what is possible for you from a deeper level of commitment. It was so valuable to see where I stopped in my life, business and at the gym. Nobody's perfect, but recognizing it, and owning it is a great place to start.
Hi there, I'm Lisa, one of the co-founders of Forth Chicago.
I’m also a life, brand + business coach. I help ambitious women create a life by design with intention, experience, and insight. Interested in seeing what's possible for you? Let's talk.
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